Dumb at the Mall
"I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk
noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She
informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card
was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to
compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the
credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to
the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they
matched."
Dumb at the Mechanic
'When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick
up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock
the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was
unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" To which
he replied, "I know - I already got that side."
Dumb at the Airport
'I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put any- thing in your baggage without your
knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Dumb around Town
'The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the
street. I was crossing with an intellectually-challenged coworker of
mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that
it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded,
"What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
Funeral Notice for Pillsbury Doughboy!!
Please join me in remembering a great icon – the veteran spokesman. The
Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and
complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of
celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.
Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the
Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch.
The gravesite was piled high with flours. As long time friend,
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who
never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show
business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not
considered a very “smart” cookie, wasting much of his dough on
half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he even
still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for missions.
Toward the end, it was thought he would rise again, but alas,
he was no tart. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two
children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He
is also survived by his elder father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.
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