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An Email to Tech support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting
software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry
applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention
of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition,
Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as
DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new,
undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf
2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and
invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run
DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging
5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited
effectiveness. Can you help please!!!!
Jane
Dear Jane: This is a very common problem women complain about, but is
mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from
Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely
an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM
and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible.
Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0 ,
because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files
within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so
nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the
program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files
can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely
limited memory.
Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0 In
desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or
to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install
Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more
problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under
"Warnings: Divorce/Child Support". You will notice that this program
runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3 I recommend you
keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and
illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also
suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership
Faults (GPFs). This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly
installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating
system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and
problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature
enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME" Sometimes Tears 6.2 must
be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should
then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create
additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a
C:\>I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal
operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to
GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, Beer 6.0 Beer 6.0 is a very bad
program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and
SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself
some trouble by following this tech tip! Just remember! The system will
run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine
feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend
5.0 ran.
Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and
cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional
software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0,
Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities
can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years
of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many
valuable embedded features such as FixesBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2
and BestFriend 7.6. A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any
circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported
application, and will cause selective shut down of the operating
system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until
MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled. I hope these notes have helped. Thank
you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support
wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to
fully enjoy this product!" |
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